Monday, December 19, 2016

A Journey of Creativity

I discovered my love of writing and art at a young age. I decided I was a Creative in 1st or 2nd grade, having determined that because of my immensely over-active imagination I was destined to have a future in the arts.

As I got older, these passions changed. I was very much a rule-follower, and despite the subjective nature of writing, I loved the strictness of grammar rules and became the queen of the English language all through elementary school.

As the years passed, I developed self-doubt in my abilities. In art, I would always find myself outmatched by another classmate in drawing realistic horses, proportional humans, lifelike landscapes. I had no use for pursuing my own ideas of art; to me, everything was a competition to prove myself and time and time again I couldn't, didn't.

All through grade school I stifled my creativity, thinking that if I wasn't the best I couldn't do it, never mind the fact that everyone starts somewhere. I thought that because the idea of "free drawing" terrified me as I could never think of an idea, or that I couldn't craft lifelike characters and dialogue in a plot format to write my own novels, I must have misdiagnosed myself as a Creative and instead was meant to be an Observer, an appreciator of the art around me.

It wasn't until I got to college and had the freedom to pursue my own passions and set my own schedule that I discovered my real spark of creativity. Through starting a personal blog, indulging in purposely screwing with the rules of official English grammar, fine-tuning my photography, engaging in conversations about art, I discovered the real purpose of creativity. It's not meant to be a competition - though that can be healthy at times - but rather a personal expression of how individuals experience life. There's nothing wrong with admiring/being inspired by others' art; you can't grow without input from others.

Not being the best didn't mean I should stop or that what I was doing was worthless, it just meant I wasn't the best. But I've learned to be okay with that; I've learned to accept my limitations and try new ventures anyway, and if I fail, so be it, at least I learned from the experience.

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